Tuesday, March 3, 2015

NAS: Dating Fast

We've all likely heard about them, but have you ever done one? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?

Hey Ladies! Back for another week with the Not Alone Series.  Linking up with Morgan, Jen and the other NAS gals!

This week we are talking about dating fasts.  As an alumni of Franciscan University, passionately Catholic and possessing a very unique culture, I am by no means foreign to the concept of a dating fast.  It always seemed like girls would declare a year long dating fast and about six months into it some guy would start to pursue them and they would have to date without dating or "not become official" until said dating fast was over.

Seeing as it seems like I have always been in an unchosen dating fast, declaring a real dating fast just was never really my jam.  However, emotional dating is a whole another story.  Of course I have and still sometimes do struggle with emotional chastity.  So a few years back beginning on the feast of the Immaculate Conception and ending the following Christmas I attempted a emotional dating fast.

Easier said then done seeing as emotional dating isn't as black and white as traditional dating and the line between emotional chastity and unchastity is very blurred.  When thoughts of dating or marrying a guy from the first hello entered my mind I would try to stop it and when I would have perpetual thoughts about past or current crushes I just had to say no.

Did it help me?  Yes and no.  I think it was a purposeful way to lessen emotional unchastity especially at the time but it wasn't like it kept me always emotional chaste to this day in the same way that traditional dating fasts don't mean you never are in less than steller dating situations again.

So that is my story with dating fasts but I will make one more comment.  I have seen girls often think, especially because of that typical story I talked about earlier of girl declares dating fasts, boy pursues, girl gets boy at end of year, ladies think that a dating fast is part of the secret formula to dating.  "If only I go on a dating fast than Mr. Future Husband will enter into my life with a dozen roses and a devotion to St. Joseph. "  Don't fall into that trap.  Whether you go on a dating fast or not, the Lord's will still needs to be done in your dating and vocational life.  Don't ever forget that, it is always His will.  However, if you do find yourself jumping from mediocre guy to well he is cute guy maybe a dating fast is good for you.  To stop and really think about why you are dating, what kind of guy you want and who you are as God's.

Well ladies, I can't wait to hear all that you are saying about dating fasts and please comment below  whether you are a new or old reader so that we can keep the discussion going.  
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  1. I think everyone's first thought is what you mentioned, "I'll declare a fast like Mary M did and then the perfect guy will just come right along" - like some weird formula. My friends say all the time, "just stop looking, that's when you'll find him." Really? That's always ridiculous advice ... not the 'stop looking' that's actually really good - stop focusing on how every man can be a potential future husband ... but the 'that's when you'll find him' - almost like saying "I found it in the last place I looked" - well, of course you did - because only a ridiculous person would keep looking AFTER finding something! Anyway - no point really, but to be in solidarity with you! Love & Prayers!

  2. TOTALLY agree with you on the formula thing! We are so silly to think that if we follow certain steps {that technically lead in the opposite direction}, we will end up with Mr. TDH. Thank you for pointing out that futility!
    I do think there is something to not focusing on "getting a date" can be attractive to some guys, but again - what is our motivation for not focusing on that?

  3. I hear you, both on the "unintentional dating fast" and the idea that it's part of a formula. I'm torn between trying every formula I've ever heard and not doing any of them. I just want to be on the other (married) side so I can join the chorus that says it's worth the wait!