Tuesday, November 12, 2013

NAS: Vulnerability with Friends

Do you find that your non-single friends struggle with relating to you or vice versa? If so, in what ways? How do you handle it? What is something that you would like them to know or understand that they just don't seem to get?

Oh this one is rough.  I would say that I do not struggle with relating to my non-single friends as much as say that often I feel replaced by my friend's new boyfriends (normally by the time wedding bells ring they figure the balance out).  You know your friend talks to you all the time about waiting for the right guy, then about how much she likes this guy, and then about how awesome the first date was and before you know it that friend is talking about everything with the boy rather than you.  Yeah being "replaced" stings.   

However, not all friends have done this to me.  These friends I find have healthier relationships that don't allow the current guy to become their whole life.  They know when they need to spend quality time with their boyfriend/fiance and when to still spend time with their girl friends.  Many friends are so encouraging to me whether one of us has a significant other or not.   These friends encourage me in staying authentic and growing in my relationship with the Lord. 

So what is the simple answer to the questions?  Sometimes their is a struggle with a friend in a relationship relating to me as a single woman but more often not.  If there is a struggle it is because I feel like they replace me. I haven't yet figured out a way to handle it because I struggle with confrontation, even holy good confrontation. I would want these friends to stay deeply rooted in the Lord, and to keep their relationship deeply rooted in the Lord because when this happens balance tends to flow naturally.    

Have you ever felt replaced?  I can't wait to read you other ladies' thoughts!
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  1. Great post, Natalie! I fortunately haven't felt replaced by any of my friends' boyfriends nor the one fiance-now-husband. I definitely hope I maintain a balance, but can see it being a holy challenge in the early part of the relationship when I want to spend a little more time to really get to know my guy. But girlfriends are irreplaceable. And hopefully my guy will understand that they loved me first! :)

  2. This is basically what my post will be about. Honestly I don't mind having married or relationship friends but I feel like I'm constantly competing with their SO and kids for attention.

    I also feel like they don't want anything to do with me because I am single and that they just are obsessed with each other (which is probably not true but that is how it looks).

    A few months ago I even told some people I don't even want friends I just want a husband so then I won't have to deal with making friends and being lonely and all these people were all that won't solve your problem blah blah blah but all I saw were people around me in relationships and ignoring me. So I totally feel you and i'm not sure how to fix the issue.... :(

  3. Excellent post! I have definitely experienced a case of the "replacement." And sometimes it happens in such a way that you almost completely lose all ties with that friend until something goes terribly wrong with their new relationship. I can think of a past relationship of mine where I literally focused ALL of my attention on the guy and when we ended up breaking up, I was COMPLETELY lost. He was the one that I told EVERYTHING to. This post is such a great reminder to find that healthy balance in relationships!

  4. There are definitely people who get seriously absorbed into their relationships, which is crazy because there is no guarantee that the relationship will be a permanent one. Friends and family are the constant, and if people drop you like a hot potato when they get a boyfriend or girlfriend then they cannot expect anything from you! It's frustrating!!